A No-Good Actress in a Porn Film
I have been watching 'Off Campus', and in the show, Hannah (Wellsey) was raped. She carries the story and the trauma as a part of herself. And every time I see it being mentioned in the show or have it come up, there is a part of me that stills to a stop—breathing, listening, on the lookout for any movement out of order. I do not know why. I haven’t ever been sexually assaulted. Not really, atleast. I don’t think I would call it that. It would be a disservice to the ones who have gone through worse things. I even hate myself as I say this because writing this, saying this, thinking it is a disservice in itself. A huge part of me thinks it is still me trying to find a way to justify it, to chalk it up to the “not my fault” column on my board, so that I can look back and still be your perfect daughter, friend, girlfriend, human. It doesn’t help that I don’t remember a lot of it. It feels like I lived through someone else’s experience, like something that was not real. I remember...
